ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO IOWA
1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
3. Remember: We say please and thank you a lot. Men also nod their heads at everyone they walk by and women smile. We are just nice like that.
4. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
5. Don't tell us how you did it somewhere else. Nobody cares.
6. If you think it's too hot in the Summers, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December (if you’re lucky)
7. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Tractor, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
8. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
9. Every 30 miles or so you will find a Dollar General, Casey's or a Subway.
10. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy", if you don't understand this, reconsider moving to a rude state.
11. Grilling is a necessity..No matter the weather.. someone is outside grilling something.
12. Sporting events must be taken into consideration for weddings, funerals, and divorces. Don't plan ANYTHING on game days
13. Everything is better with Ranch dressing or ketchup
14. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die.
15. We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.
16. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some
people put their hand over their heart.
17. "OPE" is a way of saying scuse me. You will catch on.
18. If you don't like the weather here, wait 15 minutes, it will change.
19. Hauling hay is a rite of passage.
20. The index finger wave from the steering wheel to everyone you pass on a country road.
21. We have a lot of Tornadoeseven in the winter.
Welcome to Iowa
