And just like that we're done...

Written a couple of weeks ago...

Miss Courtney just informed us that she would be done watching Jordyn.  Over the past few days I've felt a flood of emotions.  I feel like I'm going through a bad breakup...the kind where you have a flood of emotions hit you one right after another. I knew we had one issue, but I thought we had moved on. Is it something I did?  Does she not like my kid?  Maybe she's just overwhelmed?  Could we make things better and keep going there?  Was I a bad 'daycare mom'?  All weekend I kept going through the house looking for all of the things they've lent us this year...a push toy, clothes, shoes, coats, a baby carrier, even maternity clothes.  It was literally like collecting pieces of our life the past year and packing them up, memory after memory.  In the past couple of days I think I've felt it all...

I felt shocked.. I was numb when I heard the news.  Thinking not now, not when I was bombarded with a million other life things; work, holidays, sick pup...  Of course it's always a possibility with an in-home daycare provider, but I never thought it would happen to us.  I'm not sure it even set in the first night.

I felt hurt..I couldn't help but take it personal.  I know I shouldn't, but I felt like she didn't want my baby girl anymore.  Like she thought she was bad or something.  I felt like she was ending not only our friendship, but our children's friendships too.  I wondered if it was me.

I felt sad..Oh was I sad!  I was sad our babies wouldn't grow up together and be best of friends when they went to school.  I was sad that we probably wouldn't share family dinners or [zested] cocktails on the deck anymore.  I felt sad that we weren't only loosing our sitter, but friends too.

I felt mad..So mad that everything was ending.  Mad that we have to spend the next week trying to find someone to 'replace' Miss Courtney, when nobody will do.  Mad the my little girl has to be thrown into a new daycare where she wont know anyone.  Mad that we didn't see this coming & mad that we didn't have a backup plan in place.

I felt stranded..We still have no idea where miss J is going from here.  Luckily we have awesome family that is totally stepping in for now.  She's done at daycare Wednesday and Grandma Joy is taking Thursday [as already planned].  Auntie Esha is going to come stay with her all of next week.  Aunt Ashy and Aunt Lisha are taking the following week.  From there?  Not sure.  Right now we're meeting with two in home daycare's, day care centers, and nannies each night.  Here's to hoping we find something we're comfortable with before the new year.

It's taken a few days, but...I understand.   I understand she is going through a lot in her own life right now.  She is a wife, a mother of two [young] children, a student, an employee, plus a friend, daughter, sister, aunt.....all of these things hold great responsibility and take a lots of time, energy, and effort.  Although I am sad for all of us, I hope for nothing but the best for their entire family.  She has helped give my daughter grow and develop during one of the most crucial years.  I just pray that we can still be friends; that our babies can play together on Fridays and that we can have adult nights & family get together's with their family.