I'm baaack!

Goodness gracious it's been a long time since I've sat down to catch up!  Like months actually!!  Soo much has happened!  The kiddos have started back to school {1st and 2nd grades!} so it feels like a good time to sit catch up on a few of the bigger things...

I just moved into this office last week, so I'm still getting settled {those shelves need some work & I need a printer stand :} but I'm super excited about my new space. 

• I quit my job at the hospital in Des Moines {after nearly 10 years!} to take a position as the Finance Director for the little city we now live in.  It's so different from my former job, but I am learning SO much and it feels so good to use my brain in a different way!  The job change with 100% a God thing.  I had heard about the opening, but when I finally sat down to apply {on a Sunday} it had closed the Friday before.  I let it go assuming it wasn't meant to be.  Fast forward about 10 weeks, I woke up out of a dead sleep super early one Sunday morning and was hit with the urge to check on the job {I had never done and/or experienced this before}.  Low and behold, the position had been opened back up for applications.  I applied and although it's been a stretch position {I haven't done actual accounting since college 10 years ago} I got the job.  It's like God knew I needed to be closer to home {I get to drop the kids off for school each morning -- I hadn't ever been able to do that before!} great benefits, not too, flexibility, autonomy, etc.  It's just been such a blessing.  So I quit my job the beginning of February, took a trip of our lifetime to the British Virgin Islands with friends, and started my new job the very end of February.  Whew, the rest will be shorter--I promise! :)
   
• We traveled to Colorado as a family, South Carolina {the kids and I}, and road tripped to St. Louis, Tulsa, and Kansas City.  I think my sweet MIL has spent more weekends with our Lola girl than we have! sigh.  Speaking of Lola, she turned 2!  She's such a good pup and is officially out of her kennel {except post lake when she's all wet from swimming}.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Cullyn's photo from 2015 went viral.  He came home from his cousin's house and said, 'Mama, do you know I was fame today?' It was pretty adorable!
   
• I started running again.  I've had this goal to run a marathon for so long and I just can't get it out of my head!  It's been on my Bucket List for years and I just can't shake it.  Now that the kids are older {and the previously owners of our house left us a --crappy, but working-- treadmill} I decided this is the year.  If all goes as planned, I will be able to cross this off the bucket list by the end of October.  {please throw up some prayers if you feel inclined!}
  
• I stepped away from photography.  It was a hard chose, but was necessary.  It's just hard to step away from something you've been building for so long.  With Adam's new job he's home less, so I'm just not able to dedicate the time it needs right now.  I will shoot my last wedding in September and close that chapter...for now.  I'm hoping this decision will also allow me to start taking photos of my own children again!  :)
  
• Not only has school started, but alllll the other things have as well.  Taekwondo {Cullyn} and gymnastics {Jordyn} both started this week.  Piano, for both, will start next week and Clover Kids {4H} and church group will start next month.
   
• Summer was so good to us! {I documented a lot of our bucket list on Instagram} but I'm super excited for fall!  I would say I'm ready for things to slow down, but I know better! :)  This weekend alone we have a going away party, a 90th Birthday for Grandma-Great, Adam's band is playing at the local street dance, I have a long run, church, I'm hosting a bridal shower with my MIL, SIL, and niece for another one of my nieces, my parents both have birthdays, we're having a family day at my BIL & SIL's house, and an outdoor movie night.  That's all in 2.5 days, so I'm hoping Monday involves decorating the house for fall, soup on the stove, some football with the windows open {the weather here is so good right now!}, and a family movie night in the theater room to prepare us for the rest of the week!

PS...I got a tattoo last night!! :)

RAGBRAI | 2015

Last Friday, my two sisters and I rode RAGBRAI.  Even though this race started in the 1970's and I'm an Iowa native, this was my first time riding RAGBRAI.  Luckily, both of my sisters have rode the entire week previously, so they prepped me as much as you can.  Alicia completed the full week in 2012 {hottest RAGBRAI on record & 2nd longest route} Ashley completed the full route in 2013 and has rode a few days each year since.  

For those of you unfamiliar with RAGBRAI, it's a {pedal} bike ride across Iowa in one week.  The route changes every year this year happened to be 481.5 miles from start to finish.  Friday, the day we rode, was from Hiawatha to Coralville {65.6 miles with 2955 feet climb} 

Alicia and I had planned to ride Friday for a while {although we didn't commit until the day before} but Ashley didn't decide to ride until 5pm the afternoon before, when I went to her house to grab bike shorts and convinced her to join us {she already rode Monday - Wednesday}.  So, with no notice she dropped everything and we headed to Alicia's house {just over 2 hours away}.  We parked down the street and rode up to her Alicia's back patio to surprise her.  We ended up driving to our friend Hailey's house to spend the night since it would be closer to the start the next morning.

via Instagram

Since I hadn't trained at all {w/ the exception of pulling the kids two miles on two separate occasions!} I was pretty nervous!  We woke at 4:30 to get ready, drive to 'tent city', and start biking by 5:30a.  The first leg was 16.1 miles and went really good.  We watch the beautiful sunrise and before we knew it, we were at Whittier.  At this point, I was only concerned about my butt because OMG it HURT!  Like BAD!  I struggled getting off my bike!  Whittier was a TEENY TINY 'town' that really didn't offer much, but I did split a breakfast sandwich with my sister.  This was a quick stop and we were on our way to Springville.  Springville was just 3.3 miles up the rode and we debated about stopping at all, but this town was happening.  It really put me in the RAGBRAI mood.  Good music {& dancing - before 8a!} and lots of food.  I had a half an order of scrambled eggs with cheese here.  At this point we comment that it's almost a little chilly out, but I refuse to complain because I thought it was going to be 97* and sunny, which would be worse!  We continue 10.7 miles to Mount Vernon and stop again.  This town was hopping!  TONS of fun!  Lots of live music & food.  Ashley and I split an order of mini donuts & cheese balls.  I take a video of a band that is playing tons of songs that Adam's band plays and send it to him.  Ashley decides to call for Hailey to pick her up at the next stop.  On our we out of town we stop at OneMission and I get a cute shirt.  We rode two more miles to Lisbon, and to be honest I don't think we even stopped.  I can't remember this town, I think it was basically just connected to Mt. Vernon.  We did stop at Sutliff Cider 2.4 miles later just long enough to check our phones.  The local news had sent a text about the bad storms headed our way and our dad text giving us a heads up, too.  We knew where we were and where the storm was, so we thought we could out run it if we kept going.  So we got on our bikes and headed out even though we really wanted to stop for a drink and to enjoy the music for a bit.  There were tons of people dancing and having a great time.  Right as we left Sutliff it started raining.  It was pretty light, and didn't feel too bad.  The one difference once we left Sutliff and headed to Solon was that the hills became less 'rolling hills' {which we had experienced most of the morning} and more HILLS.  As we rounded the final corner coming into Solon, the rain let loose and the lightening started cracking.  Luckily, we were just getting ready to stop for lunch anyways.  Alicia grabbed a sandwich and sweet corn and I picked up a piece of pizza and a Mt. Dew and we waited out the storm.  Or attempted to.  About 30 minutes in, after talking to other RAGBRAI-ers, we decided to call it.  The final 20 miles were really hilly, I'm {VERY} inexperienced & there were so many bikes on the road, we just felt it wasn't worth the risk.  So, just 20 miles from the 'finish line', I waived the white flag. 

Of course, just as Ashley came to get us, it started clearing off and Alicia and I both commented that we wanted to keep going.  But since we already had Ashley come down to get us, we didn't want to make her turn around and go back to Iowa City.  At first I was, okay, I still am, pretty bummed to quit.  My only goal was to finish, and I didn't. BUT I will say that it was so much fun to experience that I will definitely be doing a day or two again.  It was cool to learn the lingo, and see riders of all ages and types, but the comradery of the entire group was the best thing of all.  I can't tell you how many times my eyes filled with tears over the sweetness of all of these people.  They're constantly looking out for their 'teammates'.  Blown tires, wrecks, hills ahead... they're right by your side helping and encouraging, whether they had been riding together for years or just a few minutes.  

Personal stats - Year 1

45 miles rode

30 mph - fastest speed

0 wrecks/blown tires from me

I learned the lingo & how to shift gears

I also learned the importance of bike shorts!!! :)

What I Say About MY Loved One...

After this post, I figured I should fill you in a bit more on my loved one.  Sometimes I forget that you guys don't all know us in real life, so you don't know the everyday stuff.  So here are a few things you would know if you've met my husband in person...

Adam...
--misses his truck
--will always help a friend, family member, or stranger out
--makes dinner every night
--gets Murdock & Jordyn ready and dropped off at daycare each morning
--is a night owl
--has a beautiful voice [& is the lead singer in a band]
--was my best friend for a year before we started dating
--LOVES TV
--will eat or drink almost anything
--is better about keeping up with our friends & family than me
--has a HUGE heart
--enjoys hunting, golfing, fishing, boating, poker, & smoking meat
--loves to host friends & family
--is only serious when he needs to be
--knows pretty much every song, the words to it, & who sings it
--hard-working and determined
--LOVES our lakehouse!
--makes Jordyn laugh & smile like nobody else! {I refuse to take her photos without him there!}
--is learning the guitar and is interested in the harmonica next
--prefers to make dinner over eating out
--likes sour candy, but prefers meat/potatoes over any dessert
--loves live music
--has tons of friends
--tells me I'm beautiful often
--will help with anything I ask him to
--don't attend church regularly, but can school most people when it comes to bible knowledge
--used to sing to me every.single.night before bed {yanno, when we used to go to bed together}
--talks to his mom every day

Okay...I should stop.  I'm sure you guys don't care as much as I do...haha! :)  Basically he's the perfect match for me.  I always say {and totally mean!} he is the half the makes me whole.  We are each other's opposites.  He brings out the fun in me and I add structure to him! :)  I don't know what I did without him!!

{family} Maternity Photo Session Outfits

I'm hoping to take our {family} Maternity Photos soon!  {preferably before I get much larger!! but we're waiting for the weather to warm up a bit!} so I thought it would be fun to show you guys my inspiration board for our outfits.  It's no easy task finding coordinating outfits from the Maternity, Mens, & Kids sections!  *Soon we'll have 4 different sections, and 30984092383 different stores to look in! :)

I decided on Coral & Navy, what are your thoughts?

[gnawing]

At first I thought I was going to write a post about guilt, and then I looked it up. Guilt was the wrong word, I didn't do anything wrong, but the definition only seemed to imply wrongdoing. So I looked for synonyms and their meanings, and realized this post is actually about remorse.

If you would have asked me to sum up my feelings a few years ago amongst other things, anxiety would have been high on the list. I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person, getting worse in college and coming to a head during wedding planning. I was even having anxiety attacks, unable to breath, freaking out, full blow anxiety attacks. So, I overcame the horrible feeling of embarrassment and got help. Feeling ridiculous, I went to the doctor and got medicine. It helps, it really does. Although I still feel like I’m being a baby and I should suck it up. Very few people that I know in real life know that I take medication for anxiety, because I feel like a mental case if I tell them. But, call me whatever, it helps.

Lately though, if I had to choose one word to describe my feelings, it would be remorse. No, not buyers remorse [I think my husband wishes it was that!] but I just feel guilty all of the time. Literally all.of.the.time. Sometimes for big things, most times for the small stuff. The definition from merriam-webster.com hit the nail on the head. [gnawing] that’s exactly what I feel. For not staying up late enough, for not wanting to workout, for not seeing my family enough, for not returning calls/texts/emails, for nagging on my husband, for spending money on wants when so many others can’t even buy needs, for not cooking dinner for my husband, for gaining weight, for not feeling ready to start a family even though my husband is begging, for making little issues bigger than they need to be, for ending relationships with friends, for wanting a house when I have a nice condo, for not running far enough or fast enough…it goes on and on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we all have questions running through our head. Am I trying hard enough to have a relationship with my inlaws? Is it a big deal if the car is dirty? Does it matter if I sit and read this book for a few hours and let the laundry wait? And I know people will always compare themselves to others; whether it be the size of the house, the ability to stay home with their children, the number of vacations you take, or even how skinny the neighbor with 5 kids is. And I am happy, truly, honestly, whole-heartedly HAPPY with my life. I have an amazing husband, an adorable dog, the most supportive and caring family in the world, a job I enjoy, friends to call, we love life & explore when we want to, but I can’t help but wonder if this is normal? Does the gnawing ever go away?